Negotiation
Two strangers, a man and woman are seated at a dinner party together.
The man turns to the woman and says, "I've got a hypothetical question for you miss."
The woman, curious, says, "OK, shoot."
The man says, "If a man were to offer you one million dollars to sleep with him, would you do it?"
The woman thinks for a moment and finally answers, "I guess I would.... for a million dollars."
The man smiles and says, "Then will you sleep with me for thirty-five dollars?"
The woman, with a shocked expression on her face, stands and screams at the man, "Of course I won't. What do you think I am!"
To which the man replies, "We've already determined WHAT you are, now we're just negotiating the price."
A Husband and his wife agreed that anytime they want to have sex, they will call it a 'PHONE CALL' so that the kids will not decode.
One day, the husband sent his son and said, "Tell your mother that, "Daddy wants to make a phone call.
Mother replies, "Tell your Dad that the Network is down today."
Dad to his son, "Go tell your mother that if there is no Network at home, I will go to a Public Phone".
Mother tells her son to go and tell his dad, "If he dare goes to a Public Phone, she will open a Call Centre at home."
Rampant Sex
Word Association Test
A middle-aged man had an obsession with women's breasts. So he went to a psychologist and told the doctor about his problem.
Punk Rocker
Night Stay
Minor Surgery!
How to Quit Smoking
My Wife is a Liar
What Sec can do!
Now that's logic for you
Problematic Girlfriend
One day, the husband sent his son and said, "Tell your mother that, "Daddy wants to make a phone call.
Mother replies, "Tell your Dad that the Network is down today."
Dad to his son, "Go tell your mother that if there is no Network at home, I will go to a Public Phone".
Mother tells her son to go and tell his dad, "If he dare goes to a Public Phone, she will open a Call Centre at home."
A rich old man marries a girl barely out of her teens. Needless to say she is asking for it.
So when they get into bed on the wedding night she asks him, "So are we going to have rampant sex tonight?"
The man responds by raising his hand and outstretching his fingers.
"What, five times?", asks the eager girl.
"No", he replied. "Pick a finger."
So when they get into bed on the wedding night she asks him, "So are we going to have rampant sex tonight?"
The man responds by raising his hand and outstretching his fingers.
"What, five times?", asks the eager girl.
"No", he replied. "Pick a finger."
A middle-aged man had an obsession with women's breasts. So he went to a psychologist and told the doctor about his problem.
"I am going to do a word association test, explained the doctor. I am going to say a word, and you will say the first thing that comes into your mind."
"Oranges," said the doctor.
"Breasts," replied the patient.
"Apples."
"Breasts."
"Watermelons."
"Breasts."
"Windshield wipers."
"Breasts," said the patient, with the same reply.
"Wait a minute! I can see the connections between oranges, apples, watermelons and breasts. But automobile wipers? Where's the connection there?" asked the doctor.
"Easy... one on the left and one on the right!"
"Oranges," said the doctor.
"Breasts," replied the patient.
"Apples."
"Breasts."
"Watermelons."
"Breasts."
"Windshield wipers."
"Breasts," said the patient, with the same reply.
"Wait a minute! I can see the connections between oranges, apples, watermelons and breasts. But automobile wipers? Where's the connection there?" asked the doctor.
"Easy... one on the left and one on the right!"
A nurse was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. The patient had purple hair, plus a variety of tattoos and strange clothing. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the surgeons noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and just above it there was a tattoo which read, "Keep off the grass."
After the surgical procedure was completed, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the surgeons noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and just above it there was a tattoo which read, "Keep off the grass."
After the surgical procedure was completed, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Three guys were driving down a country road when their car broke down. Luckily, they were near a farm. They went to the farmer, and asked if they could spend the night there, while the tow truck came.
The farmer said, "Fine, but I better not catch any of you fooling around with my beautiful daughter."
To insure this the farmer secretly shoved a razor blade up his daughter's p**sy.
At night, the first guy sneaked out of his bed and screwed the daughter. Then the second guy sneaked out and screwed her. And then, so did the third.
The next day when the three guys were going to leave, the farmer told them to pull down there pants. They all did.
The farmer looked down at the first guy and saw his dick chopped up and said, "You screwed my daughter you bastard."
second guy, saw his dick chopped up, and said, "You screwed my daughter you bastard."
Then he saw that the third guy's dick was fine and said, "You can come and stay here whenever you'd like."
The third guy replied, "Tank oou very mut."
The farmer said, "Fine, but I better not catch any of you fooling around with my beautiful daughter."
To insure this the farmer secretly shoved a razor blade up his daughter's p**sy.
At night, the first guy sneaked out of his bed and screwed the daughter. Then the second guy sneaked out and screwed her. And then, so did the third.
The next day when the three guys were going to leave, the farmer told them to pull down there pants. They all did.
The farmer looked down at the first guy and saw his dick chopped up and said, "You screwed my daughter you bastard."
second guy, saw his dick chopped up, and said, "You screwed my daughter you bastard."
Then he saw that the third guy's dick was fine and said, "You can come and stay here whenever you'd like."
The third guy replied, "Tank oou very mut."
A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether everything is ready.
A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat.
The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations.
When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says, "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?"
The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders, "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."
A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat.
The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations.
When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says, "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?"
The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders, "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."
Two blondes are having lunch catching up with each other's news. "I heard you've given up smoking, is it true?"
"Yes, I haven't had a cigarette in almost two months."
"But you were such a heavy smoker, you must tell me your secret. I've tried everything to quit."
"Well it's really quite simple. Every time I get the urge to smoke a cigarette, I suck on a LifeSaver instead"
"Well that's easy for you, but I don't live near the beach"
"Yes, I haven't had a cigarette in almost two months."
"But you were such a heavy smoker, you must tell me your secret. I've tried everything to quit."
"Well it's really quite simple. Every time I get the urge to smoke a cigarette, I suck on a LifeSaver instead"
"Well that's easy for you, but I don't live near the beach"
"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.
"How do you know?" the friend asked.
"She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Priya."
"So?" the friend replied.
"So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Priya!"
"How do you know?" the friend asked.
"She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Priya."
"So?" the friend replied.
"So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Priya!"
1. It makes some people religious: Oh my God! Yes! My God!
2. It gives some people their first musical lesson: mmmm... aaaahh ooooh... aaahhh...
3. Makes some people natural competitors: Ffaaast! Fasterrr! Yeah fasterrr!
4. It makes some people announce their own obituary: Ahh you are killing me! I'm dead! I'm finished! You'll kill me!
5. It makes some ladies become terrorists: Destroy it! Don't show any damn mercy! Just tear it! Don't do it with mercy! I am not your sister. Do it harder!
6. Others become respectful: Give it to me please... please... please I'm begging.
7. Loyalty: I love you! You are my life! I'm yours forever! You are the best! Say whatever you want. Jack me any how and it's yours!
8. Makes some people become beggers: Yeah please don't stop! Please I beg in God's name give it to me! Please give it to me.
2. It gives some people their first musical lesson: mmmm... aaaahh ooooh... aaahhh...
3. Makes some people natural competitors: Ffaaast! Fasterrr! Yeah fasterrr!
4. It makes some people announce their own obituary: Ahh you are killing me! I'm dead! I'm finished! You'll kill me!
5. It makes some ladies become terrorists: Destroy it! Don't show any damn mercy! Just tear it! Don't do it with mercy! I am not your sister. Do it harder!
6. Others become respectful: Give it to me please... please... please I'm begging.
7. Loyalty: I love you! You are my life! I'm yours forever! You are the best! Say whatever you want. Jack me any how and it's yours!
8. Makes some people become beggers: Yeah please don't stop! Please I beg in God's name give it to me! Please give it to me.
Question to Confucius:
Woman: "If I sleep with three men, everyone calls me a slut. But when a man sleeps with ten women, every one calls him a Real Man !! How come... ?
Confucius: It's very simple. When one lock can be opened by three different keys, it's a 'Bad Lock'. But when One key can open ten different locks, we call it a MASTER KEY"
Woman: "If I sleep with three men, everyone calls me a slut. But when a man sleeps with ten women, every one calls him a Real Man !! How come... ?
Confucius: It's very simple. When one lock can be opened by three different keys, it's a 'Bad Lock'. But when One key can open ten different locks, we call it a MASTER KEY"
A young guy was complaining to his Boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend.
"She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man exclaimed."
"Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife," replied the Boss. "Whenever she got out of hand I'd take her pants down and spank her".
Shaking his head the young guy replied, "I've tried tha it doesn't work for me. Once I get her pants down I'm not mad anymore."
"She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man exclaimed."
"Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife," replied the Boss. "Whenever she got out of hand I'd take her pants down and spank her".
Shaking his head the young guy replied, "I've tried tha it doesn't work for me. Once I get her pants down I'm not mad anymore."
"Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love,` replied Little Johnny.
Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, "With whom?"
"With you!" he said.
"But Little Johnny," said the teacher gently, "don't you see how silly that is? Sure I'd like a husband of my own someday... but I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," said Little Johnny reassuringly, "I'll use a condom!"
"I'm in love,` replied Little Johnny.
Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, "With whom?"
"With you!" he said.
"But Little Johnny," said the teacher gently, "don't you see how silly that is? Sure I'd like a husband of my own someday... but I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," said Little Johnny reassuringly, "I'll use a condom!"
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