Negotiation
Phone Call
A middle-aged man had an obsession with women's breasts. So he went to a psychologist and told the doctor about his problem.
Punk Rocker
Night Stay
Minor Surgery!
How to Quit Smoking
My Wife is a Liar
What Sec can do!
Now that's logic for you
Problematic Girlfriend
Two strangers, a man and woman are seated at a dinner party together.
The man turns to the woman and says, "I've got a hypothetical question for you miss."
The woman, curious, says, "OK, shoot."
The man says, "If a man were to offer you one million dollars to sleep with him, would you do it?"
The woman thinks for a moment and finally answers, "I guess I would.... for a million dollars."
The man smiles and says, "Then will you sleep with me for thirty-five dollars?"
The woman, with a shocked expression on her face, stands and screams at the man, "Of course I won't. What do you think I am!"
To which the man replies, "We've already determined WHAT you are, now we're just negotiating the price."
A Husband and his wife agreed that anytime they want to have sex, they will call it a 'PHONE CALL' so that the kids will not decode.
One day, the husband sent his son and said, "Tell your mother that, "Daddy wants to make a phone call.
Mother replies, "Tell your Dad that the Network is down today."
Dad to his son, "Go tell your mother that if there is no Network at home, I will go to a Public Phone".
Mother tells her son to go and tell his dad, "If he dare goes to a Public Phone, she will open a Call Centre at home."
Rampant Sex
Word Association TestOne day, the husband sent his son and said, "Tell your mother that, "Daddy wants to make a phone call.
Mother replies, "Tell your Dad that the Network is down today."
Dad to his son, "Go tell your mother that if there is no Network at home, I will go to a Public Phone".
Mother tells her son to go and tell his dad, "If he dare goes to a Public Phone, she will open a Call Centre at home."
A rich old man marries a girl barely out of her teens. Needless to say she is asking for it.
So when they get into bed on the wedding night she asks him, "So are we going to have rampant sex tonight?"
The man responds by raising his hand and outstretching his fingers.
"What, five times?", asks the eager girl.
"No", he replied. "Pick a finger."
So when they get into bed on the wedding night she asks him, "So are we going to have rampant sex tonight?"
The man responds by raising his hand and outstretching his fingers.
"What, five times?", asks the eager girl.
"No", he replied. "Pick a finger."
A middle-aged man had an obsession with women's breasts. So he went to a psychologist and told the doctor about his problem.
"I am going to do a word association test, explained the doctor. I am going to say a word, and you will say the first thing that comes into your mind."
"Oranges," said the doctor.
"Breasts," replied the patient.
"Apples."
"Breasts."
"Watermelons."
"Breasts."
"Windshield wipers."
"Breasts," said the patient, with the same reply.
"Wait a minute! I can see the connections between oranges, apples, watermelons and breasts. But automobile wipers? Where's the connection there?" asked the doctor.
"Easy... one on the left and one on the right!"
"Oranges," said the doctor.
"Breasts," replied the patient.
"Apples."
"Breasts."
"Watermelons."
"Breasts."
"Windshield wipers."
"Breasts," said the patient, with the same reply.
"Wait a minute! I can see the connections between oranges, apples, watermelons and breasts. But automobile wipers? Where's the connection there?" asked the doctor.
"Easy... one on the left and one on the right!"
A nurse was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. The patient had purple hair, plus a variety of tattoos and strange clothing. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the surgeons noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and just above it there was a tattoo which read, "Keep off the grass."
After the surgical procedure was completed, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the surgeons noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and just above it there was a tattoo which read, "Keep off the grass."
After the surgical procedure was completed, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Three guys were driving down a country road when their car broke down. Luckily, they were near a farm. They went to the farmer, and asked if they could spend the night there, while the tow truck came.
The farmer said, "Fine, but I better not catch any of you fooling around with my beautiful daughter."
To insure this the farmer secretly shoved a razor blade up his daughter's p**sy.
At night, the first guy sneaked out of his bed and screwed the daughter. Then the second guy sneaked out and screwed her. And then, so did the third.
The next day when the three guys were going to leave, the farmer told them to pull down there pants. They all did.
The farmer looked down at the first guy and saw his dick chopped up and said, "You screwed my daughter you bastard."
second guy, saw his dick chopped up, and said, "You screwed my daughter you bastard."
Then he saw that the third guy's dick was fine and said, "You can come and stay here whenever you'd like."
The third guy replied, "Tank oou very mut."
The farmer said, "Fine, but I better not catch any of you fooling around with my beautiful daughter."
To insure this the farmer secretly shoved a razor blade up his daughter's p**sy.
At night, the first guy sneaked out of his bed and screwed the daughter. Then the second guy sneaked out and screwed her. And then, so did the third.
The next day when the three guys were going to leave, the farmer told them to pull down there pants. They all did.
The farmer looked down at the first guy and saw his dick chopped up and said, "You screwed my daughter you bastard."
second guy, saw his dick chopped up, and said, "You screwed my daughter you bastard."
Then he saw that the third guy's dick was fine and said, "You can come and stay here whenever you'd like."
The third guy replied, "Tank oou very mut."
A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether everything is ready.
A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat.
The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations.
When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says, "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?"
The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders, "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."
A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat.
The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations.
When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says, "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?"
The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders, "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."
Two blondes are having lunch catching up with each other's news. "I heard you've given up smoking, is it true?"
"Yes, I haven't had a cigarette in almost two months."
"But you were such a heavy smoker, you must tell me your secret. I've tried everything to quit."
"Well it's really quite simple. Every time I get the urge to smoke a cigarette, I suck on a LifeSaver instead"
"Well that's easy for you, but I don't live near the beach"
"Yes, I haven't had a cigarette in almost two months."
"But you were such a heavy smoker, you must tell me your secret. I've tried everything to quit."
"Well it's really quite simple. Every time I get the urge to smoke a cigarette, I suck on a LifeSaver instead"
"Well that's easy for you, but I don't live near the beach"
"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.
"How do you know?" the friend asked.
"She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Priya."
"So?" the friend replied.
"So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Priya!"
"How do you know?" the friend asked.
"She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Priya."
"So?" the friend replied.
"So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Priya!"
1. It makes some people religious: Oh my God! Yes! My God!
2. It gives some people their first musical lesson: mmmm... aaaahh ooooh... aaahhh...
3. Makes some people natural competitors: Ffaaast! Fasterrr! Yeah fasterrr!
4. It makes some people announce their own obituary: Ahh you are killing me! I'm dead! I'm finished! You'll kill me!
5. It makes some ladies become terrorists: Destroy it! Don't show any damn mercy! Just tear it! Don't do it with mercy! I am not your sister. Do it harder!
6. Others become respectful: Give it to me please... please... please I'm begging.
7. Loyalty: I love you! You are my life! I'm yours forever! You are the best! Say whatever you want. Jack me any how and it's yours!
8. Makes some people become beggers: Yeah please don't stop! Please I beg in God's name give it to me! Please give it to me.
2. It gives some people their first musical lesson: mmmm... aaaahh ooooh... aaahhh...
3. Makes some people natural competitors: Ffaaast! Fasterrr! Yeah fasterrr!
4. It makes some people announce their own obituary: Ahh you are killing me! I'm dead! I'm finished! You'll kill me!
5. It makes some ladies become terrorists: Destroy it! Don't show any damn mercy! Just tear it! Don't do it with mercy! I am not your sister. Do it harder!
6. Others become respectful: Give it to me please... please... please I'm begging.
7. Loyalty: I love you! You are my life! I'm yours forever! You are the best! Say whatever you want. Jack me any how and it's yours!
8. Makes some people become beggers: Yeah please don't stop! Please I beg in God's name give it to me! Please give it to me.
Question to Confucius:
Woman: "If I sleep with three men, everyone calls me a slut. But when a man sleeps with ten women, every one calls him a Real Man !! How come... ?
Confucius: It's very simple. When one lock can be opened by three different keys, it's a 'Bad Lock'. But when One key can open ten different locks, we call it a MASTER KEY"
Woman: "If I sleep with three men, everyone calls me a slut. But when a man sleeps with ten women, every one calls him a Real Man !! How come... ?
Confucius: It's very simple. When one lock can be opened by three different keys, it's a 'Bad Lock'. But when One key can open ten different locks, we call it a MASTER KEY"
A young guy was complaining to his Boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend.
"She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man exclaimed."
"Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife," replied the Boss. "Whenever she got out of hand I'd take her pants down and spank her".
Shaking his head the young guy replied, "I've tried tha it doesn't work for me. Once I get her pants down I'm not mad anymore."
Source
Pappu Series Joke
Jaisa Ki Aap Sabko Pata Hai Ki Hamara Pappu Pange Lene Mein Ustaad Hai
Uske Mohalle Mein Ek Kirayne Ki Nayi Dukaan Khuli Thhi
Pappu Dukan Pe Gaya Aur Dukandar Se Bola
Pappu: “Suji Hai?”
Dukandar: “Haan”
Pappu: “To Marwayi Kyu Thhi Bhonsdi Ke”
Aur Ye Kah Ke Vapis Aa Gaya
Agle Din Fir Usi Dukan Pe Gaya Aur Bola
Pappu: “Suji Hai?”
Dukandar Sochte Hue: “Nahi”
Pappu: “To Bhonsdi Ke, Dukaan Kya Gaand Marwane Ko Kholi Hai”
Haraami Pappu
Pappu Ne Santa Se Puchha: “Papa, Mummy Ke Do Aur Cow Ke Chaar Kyu
Hote Hai?”
Dhobi ki Biwi ki Kaise Maare?
Dirty Mind !
Santa: “Madarchod, Kaha Se Sikh Ke Aaya Hai Ye Sab Tu”
Pappu: “Papa, Main To Taangon (Legs) Ki Baat Kar Raha Hoon, Apko To Din Raat Bas Chuchi Hi Dikhti Hai“
Buddhe ka Stamina
Sattar (70) Saal Ka Budda Apne Doctor Dost Se Bola.
Budda: “Main Aaj Bhi Sex Karne Mein 1 Ghanta, 40 Minute, 15 Second Lagata Hoon”
Doctor Hairaan Ho Kar Bola: “Kaise ?”
Budda Bola: “40 Minute Khada Karne Mein, 15 Second Dhakka Marne Ko Aur 1 Ghanta Sex Ke Baad Hosh Main Aane Ko“
Santa ki Shaadi
Santa Ki Shadi Hui Par Suhagrat Mein Kya Krna Hote Hai Ye Usko Pata Nahi Thha.
Vo Apne Daddy Ke Pass Jaata Aur Puchta Hai Ki Kya Karu
Daddy: “Rat Ko Mujhe Phone Kriyo Aur Jaise Main Kahoon Vaise Hi Kriyo.”
Raat Ke 1.30 Baje Daddy Ko Phone Ata Hai.
Santa: “Daddy Batao Kya Karna Hai?”
Daddy: “Dulhan Ke Aur Apne Kapde Utar.”
Santa: “Daddy Batao Kya Karna Hai?”
Daddy: “Dulhan Ke Aur Apne Kapde Utar.”
Santa: “Fir?”
Daddy: “Dulhan Ki Taango K Beech Me Ched (Hole) Dikh Raha Hoga Tujhe?”
Santa: “Hanji Daddy Dikh Raha Hai”
Daddy: “Ab Jo Mere Paas Bhi Hai Aur Tere Paas Bhi Hai Vo Us Ched Mein Daal De”
Santa Ne Apna Mobile Hi Patni Ki Choot Mein Daal Diya.
Suit ki Fitting
Ek Ladki Tailor Ke Paas Suit Silvane Jaati Hai. Tailor Ladki Ka Naap Lete Hue Bolta Hai.
Tailor (Fitting Ka Naap Lete Hue):- “Koi Boyfriend Hai?”
Girl:- “Haan, Kyon?”
Tailor:- “Use Bolna Thode Din Left Side Pe Jyada Dhyaan De, Fitting Sahi Baithegi“
Lund Kahan Gaya?
Santa Sharab Pee Kar P.V.R Mein Apni Girlfriend Ke Sath Movie Dekh Raha Tha,
Achaanak Se Pata Nahi Kya Hua, Santa Ekdam Se Chilla Kar Bola
Santa: “Mera Lund Kahan Gaya, Mera Lund Kaha Gaya???”
Ladki Santa Ke Kaan Mein Dheere Se Boli: “Chup Hoja Saale Kyu Shor Macha Raha Hai, Tera Hath Meri Panty Mein Hai“
Chalak Ladkiyan
Santa Sochte Hue Banta Se Bolta Hai: “Yaar Ye Ladkiyan Kitni Chalak Hoti Hain”
Banta Puchta Hai: “Kyun??”
Santa: “Yaar Ladkiyan Apna 18 Rupye Litre Wala Doodh Dikha Kar, Humara 180 Rupye Litre Wala Ghee Nikal Leti Hai.
Santa: “Yaar Ladkiyan Apna 18 Rupye Litre Wala Doodh Dikha Kar, Humara 180 Rupye Litre Wala Ghee Nikal Leti Hai.
Tharki Biwi
Santa Ki Nayi Nayi Shaadi Hone Ke Baad Santa Suhagraat Ke Din Jate Hi So Gaya,
Phir Dusre Din Bhi Aisa Hi Hua Aur Aisa Har Roz Hone Laga Santa Jata Aur So Jata,
Santa Ki Biwi Pareshan Ho Kar Santa Ki Maa Ke Paas Jakar Boli
Patni: “Apka Beta To Mere Sath Kuch Karta Hi Nahi Hai Majboor Ho Kar Mujhe Apko Ye Baat Batani Pad Rahi Hai”
Saas: “Tum Aaj Raat Ek Kaam Karna Apna Ek Boobs Khol Kar Let Jana”
Santa Ki Biwi Yahi Karti Hai, Santa Raat Mein Aata Hai Or Dekhte Hi Kehta Hai,
Santa: “Aray, Itna Bada Foda, Kal Jakar Is Mein Cheera Zarur Lagwa Lena”
Santa Ki Biwi Fir Santa Ki Maa Ke Pass jati Hai.
Patni: “Aapka Beta To Mere Boobs Ko Dekh Kar Ise Foda Keh Raha Hai”
Saas: “Tum Ab Ek Kaam Karna Apne Dono Boobs Khol Kar Let Jana”
Santa Raat Mein Aata Hai Or Apni Biwi Ke Boobs Dekh Kar Kehta Hai
Santa: “Aray, Kal Tak To Ek Hi Foda Tha Aaj Do-Do Ho Gaye, Kal Ja Kar Is Mein Cheera Pakka Lagwa Hi Lena”
Biwi Fir Saas Ke Paas Jakar Rone Lagi.
Saas: “Tum Ab Ek Kaam Karna Poori Nangi Hi Let Jana”
Santa Ki Biwi Yahi Karti Hai, Santa Raat Mein Aata Hai Aur Uski CHut Ko Dekh Kar Apna Matha Thok Kar Kehta Hai
Santa: “Ye Kis Maderchod Doctor Ke Paas Chali Gayi Thi Fode Kaha Hai Aur Doctor Ne Cheera Kaha Laga Diya“
2 Tukde Gaand ke
Pappu Ne Aaj Tak Apni Gaand (Back) Nahi Dekhi Thhi.
Kisi Shararat Ki Vajah Se School Mein Teacher Ne Uski Back Pe Kafi Sare Dande Maare.
Rota Hua Bechara Ghar Aya Aur Socha Ki Sheeshe Mein Check Karta Hun
Sheeshe Mein Back Ko Dekh Kar Pappu Bola
Sheeshe Mein Back Ko Dekh Kar Pappu Bola
Pappu: “Madhar Chod Harami Master Ne Itna Mara Ki 2 Tukde Hi Kar Diye“
Beizzat Hona Padta
Ek Ladki Train Mein Without Ticket Jaa Rahi Thhi
T.T Ko Shaq Ho Jata Hai Aur Vo Use Pakad Ke Toilet Mein Le Jaata Hai
Aur Vaha Jaake Uski Ache Se Chudayi Karta Hai.
Ladki Vapis Aati Hai Aur Sath Mein Kadi Ek Aur Ladki Se Bolti Hai
Ladki Vapis Aati Hai Aur Sath Mein Kadi Ek Aur Ladki Se Bolti Hai
Ladki: “Yaar Agar Aaj Chut Na Hoti To Beizzat Hona Padta“
Sharmilee Larki ka jawab
Ek Baar Class Mein Ek Nayi Ladki Aayi
Teacher Ne Us Se Pucha
Teacher: “Tumhara Naam Kya Hai?”
Ladki: “Ji, Pinki”
Teacher: “Aage Ya Piche Kuch Lagati Ho?”
Ladki Sharmate Hue: “Ji Aage Veet Cream Aur Piche Sarson Ka Tel“
Two Choices
When I Was Born I Got The Choice Between
A Major Dick Or A Fine Memory.
I Am Not Able To Remember What I Did Really Choose.
Ghar ka Lund Daal Braabar
Dolly Apni Saheli Shalini Se: “Mujhe Bahut Bachav Rakhna Padta Hai Ki Kahi Main Pregnent Na Ho Jaun.”
Shalini: “Lekin Mene To Suna Hai Ki Tumhare Pati Ne Operation Karva Liya Hai.”
Dolly: “Are Tabhi To Mujhe Bachav Rakhna Padta Hai.“
Kiss karte hue
Ek Ladki Rote Hue Doctor Ke Pass Gayi Doctor Ne Usko Dekha Aur Pucha.
Doctor: “Arrey Tumhare Hont Kaisi Fatte?”
Ladki: “Ji Kiss Karte Hue”
Doctor Hairan Se: “Kiss Karte Hue Hont Itne Buri Tarha Se To Nahi Fatt Sakte?”
Ladki: “Ji Main Usko Kiss Kar Rahi Thhi, Kisi Ne Darwaje Par Knock Kiya Aur Usne Gabra Ke Pant Ki Zip Band Kar Li“
Pahle or Baad mein
Sex Se Pehle Jab Ladki Kamre Mein Aati Hai To Achanak Thokar Kha Kar Gir Jaati Hai
Ladka Pyaar Se Bola: “Darling Aaram Se Jaanu Tumhe Chot Lag Jayegi”
Or Sex Ke Bad
Jab Ladki Kapde Pehne Lagi To Phir Gir Gayi
Jab Ladki Kapde Pehne Lagi To Phir Gir Gayi
Ladka Gusse Se: “Behan Ki Lodi Andhi Hai Kya Dikhta Nahi Bar Bar Girti Rehti Hai“
What is Condom?
Ek Din Ek Bete Ne Apne Daddy Se Puchha: “Daddy Condom Kya Hota Hai?”
Daddy: “Chal Bhaag Mujhe Nahi Pataa”
Beta: “Tabhi To Hum 11 Bhai Behan Hai“
Police Station Mein Dhobi Ne Santa Ke Khliaf Complaint Kari
Dobhi Rote Hue: “Is Saale Sante Ne Meri Biwi Ki Ijjat Lutt Li”
Police Wala: “Kyu Be, Kyu Kiya Tune Esa?”
Santa: “Sir Ji, Meri Koi Galti Nahi Hai. Main To Kapde Press Karvane Gaya Thha”
Police Wala: “Fir?”
Santa: “Mene Isko Awaj Lagayi To Ye Bola Ki, Main Khana Kha Raha Hun Istri Garam Hai Khud Maar Lo“
When Is That The Skin Meets Skin,
Hair Meets Hair And Balls Disappear,
Dirty Mind Its When You Blink Your Eyes.
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