What a lovely Combination!
A Hindu President;
A Muslim Vice President
A Sikh Prime Minister
A Christian Defence Minister
And an Italian REMOTE!
Wife: Darling, kuch aisi baat karo ki mai khush ho jaun aur jal bhi jaun.
Husband: Jaan tum meri Zindagi ho aur... aur... aur Laanat hai aisi zindagi pe.
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A Hindu President;
A Muslim Vice President
A Sikh Prime Minister
A Christian Defence Minister
And an Italian REMOTE!
----------
Wife: Darling, kuch aisi baat karo ki mai khush ho jaun aur jal bhi jaun.
Husband: Jaan tum meri Zindagi ho aur... aur... aur Laanat hai aisi zindagi pe.
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Pappu returns from school and says he got an 'F' in Maths. 'Why?' asks his father?
The teacher asked, "How much is 2x3 and I said 6, replies Pappu.
Santa: But that's right!
Yeah, but then she asked me, "How much is 3x2?", adds Pappu.
"What's the f**king difference?" asks Santa.
Pappu: That's what I said!
The teacher asked, "How much is 2x3 and I said 6, replies Pappu.
Santa: But that's right!
Yeah, but then she asked me, "How much is 3x2?", adds Pappu.
"What's the f**king difference?" asks Santa.
Pappu: That's what I said!
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Jeeto: Why are you home so early?
Santa: My boss told me to "Go to Hell"!
Rajinikanth was shot today...
Funeral of the bullet is tomorrow.Santa: My boss told me to "Go to Hell"!
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Doctor: How is your headache now?
Santa: Oh, she is out of town.
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Q: What's the favorite childhood game of Mayawati and Manmohan Singh?
A: 'Statue'! Maya crazy of building hers and MMS playing it.
A: 'Statue'! Maya crazy of building hers and MMS playing it.
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Banta: As soon as women see me, they want to get in shape to impress me.
Santa: That's really impressive. Exactly, what do they do?
Banta: They start running.
Santa: That's really impressive. Exactly, what do they do?
Banta: They start running.
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If Facebook gets banned, we'll see people roaming in the streets with their picture in their hands crying and screaming: DO YOU LIKE THIS PICTURE?
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Rajinikanth was shot today...
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Girl to Astrologer: I have 2 boy friends. Whom will I get married to? Who's the lucky guy?
Astrologer: 2nd one will marry you. 1st one is the lucky guy.
Dear Ex,
I won't block you or delete you. I'm keeping you there so you're able to see how happy I am without you.
Astrologer: 2nd one will marry you. 1st one is the lucky guy.
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Dear Ex,
I won't block you or delete you. I'm keeping you there so you're able to see how happy I am without you.
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On a wall in a ladies room... My husband follows me everywhere.
Written just below it: I do not.
Written just below it: I do not.
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Boss: Since the day I fired you, why the hell do you shit in front of my house every morning?
Servant: Boss, I just wanna show you that I am not dying hungry!
Servant: Boss, I just wanna show you that I am not dying hungry!
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Respect is earned, honesty is appreciated, love is gained and loyalty is returned.
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Hathoan Ki Lakiroan Pe Mat Jaa, Ai Ghalib;
Naseeb Un Ke Bhi Hote Hain, Jin Ke Hath Nehin Hote!
Naseeb Un Ke Bhi Hote Hain, Jin Ke Hath Nehin Hote!
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Those silly conversations we had and those nights when we stayed up late talking to each other. I miss them all, every one of them. My swetheart, I love you and miss you with each beat of my heart!
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If Rajnikanth was born 200 yrs ago, British would have fought India to get Independence.
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When did Maths get ruined?
When the Satan said, "Put the alphabets in Maths".
When the Satan said, "Put the alphabets in Maths".
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Husbands are the best persons to share your secrets with. They won't tell anyone because they probably never listen to you in the first place.
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Teacher: Pappu, tell about Newton's 3rd law of motion.
Pappu: Ma'm, I know just the last part of it.
Teacher: Tell me as much as you know.
Pappu: And this is called Newton's 3rd law of motion!
Pappu: Ma'm, I know just the last part of it.
Teacher: Tell me as much as you know.
Pappu: And this is called Newton's 3rd law of motion!
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When you convert Rs.50 lakhs into Rs.300 crores, you are called Vadra. When you do the opposite, you are called Mallya. The difference is in chasing the right woman!
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Saif Ali Khan said, "Thank you, beta" to Sridevi's younger daughter on his wedding reception. Sridevi is now worried.
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Bebo-Saif wedding:
The best revenge Shahid Kapoor can take is by marrying Saif's daughter who is 19 now.
The best revenge Shahid Kapoor can take is by marrying Saif's daughter who is 19 now.
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Rajinikanth should have played for Mumbai Indians in "Champions League T20 2012" at SA. The rain would have got called off because of the match.
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Pathan got a job in 'Idea' Customer Care Call Centre.
Customer: My Idea SIM is blocked, what to do?
Pathan: Don't get tense, remove 'Idea' SIM and use 'Airtel' SIM. Thank you for calling 'Aircell'.
Customer: My Idea SIM is blocked, what to do?
Pathan: Don't get tense, remove 'Idea' SIM and use 'Airtel' SIM. Thank you for calling 'Aircell'.
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Santa: Wives are like police.
Banta: Why?
Santa: Once they get hold of all the evidence, they still want to hear the truth from you!
Banta: Why?
Santa: Once they get hold of all the evidence, they still want to hear the truth from you!
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Pathan to barber, "How much for a haircut?"
Barber: Rs. 50/-
Pathan: How much for a shave?
Barber: Rs. 25/-
Pathan: Good. Shave my head.
Barber: Rs. 50/-
Pathan: How much for a shave?
Barber: Rs. 25/-
Pathan: Good. Shave my head.
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Q: Why are Egyptian children always confused?
A: Because after death, their DADDY becomes a MUMMY.
A: Because after death, their DADDY becomes a MUMMY.
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Santa: I asked my wife to chuck me my deodorant from the other side of the room, and she did the most pathetic throw; it didn't even reach me.
"What the hell was that?" I asked.
"Sorry, but it says 'underarm only' on it", she replied.
"What the hell was that?" I asked.
"Sorry, but it says 'underarm only' on it", she replied.
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Santa walks into his doctor's chamber and sits down in the waiting room. Another patient sitting next to him and who was stammering a little asked him, "Wwwhy dd Do yyy you wwant to sss see th the doctor?"
Santa: Well I have a prostate problem.
Patent: Yoyo you hhahavhavve prostate pp prob Lem, wwhat's ttthat?
Santa: Well, if you must know, I pee like you talk.
Santa: Well I have a prostate problem.
Patent: Yoyo you hhahavhavve prostate pp prob Lem, wwhat's ttthat?
Santa: Well, if you must know, I pee like you talk.
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You can never ask a girl her age. There is no such concept. They don't have age but age groups which are:
Baby, Babes, Bebe and Biji!
Baby, Babes, Bebe and Biji!
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Pappu: Please get well soon!
Bunty: Who are you talking to? I don't see anyone around.
Pappu: I am talking to my 'grades'.
Bunty: Who are you talking to? I don't see anyone around.
Pappu: I am talking to my 'grades'.
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The doctor took Santa into the room and said, "Santa ji, I have some good news and some bad news".
Santa: Oh, no. Give me the good news, I guess.
Doctor: They're going to name a disease after you.
Santa: Oh, no. Give me the good news, I guess.
Doctor: They're going to name a disease after you.
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Pappu: A girl said, "I love you" to me.
Bunty: What did you say?
Pappu: I said, we are so similar. Even "I love me".
Santa: I hate it when my wife asks me to hold her purse.
Banta: What's wrong in it?
Santa: I don't like it when it doesn't match with what I'm wearing.
Pappu: My girlfriend is like a fart.
Bunty: Why do you say so?
Pappu: She's not at all good looking; so whenever I am out in public, I never own her.
Santa: The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.
Banta: And did you?
Santa: Yes, Hell he was right, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.
Banta: What is an adult joke?
Santa: Any joke which is 18 years old.
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
'Yah'.
"Yah who?"
"Naaah, bro! I prefer Google."
Pappu: Papa, what do I give my girlfriend as a gift?
Santa: How does she look?
Pappu: She looks very sweet and pretty.
Santa: Give her my number.
Pappu: What's green and has wheels?
Bunty: Ummm! Don't know.
Pappu: Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Dear Internet Users,
One day you will really regret not reading me.
Sincerely,
Terms and Conditions.
Santa: My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school.
Banta: So how did you do it? Santa: He's a weakling. So I punched him in the face, and stole his lunch money.
Jeeto: Why do you ignore my calls?
Santa: I don't ignore your calls. I just love my ringtone.
A well-built guy was fooling around with Pappu's girlfriend. Pappu entered into an altercation with him.
Pappu: Are you serious?
Guy: Yes, I am. What'll you do about it?
Pappu: Nothing. It's just that I don't like pranks.
Santa was buying the movie tickets again and again.
Banta: Why are you buying the movie tickets again and again?
Santa: Some fool is standing near the door and tearing my tickets.
Filmy welcome to Baby Girl born to Twinkle and Akshay Kumar:
"Heyy Babyy",
Though it's 'Housefull' but 'Welcome' to 'Family' of 'Joker'! "OMG Oh My God!" "Meri Biwi Ka Jawaab Nahin"!
"Thank You"
'Khiladi'
Bunty: What did you say?
Pappu: I said, we are so similar. Even "I love me".
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Santa: I hate it when my wife asks me to hold her purse.
Banta: What's wrong in it?
Santa: I don't like it when it doesn't match with what I'm wearing.
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Pappu: My girlfriend is like a fart.
Bunty: Why do you say so?
Pappu: She's not at all good looking; so whenever I am out in public, I never own her.
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Santa: The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.
Banta: And did you?
Santa: Yes, Hell he was right, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.
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Banta: What is an adult joke?
Santa: Any joke which is 18 years old.
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"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
'Yah'.
"Yah who?"
"Naaah, bro! I prefer Google."
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Pappu: Papa, what do I give my girlfriend as a gift?
Santa: How does she look?
Pappu: She looks very sweet and pretty.
Santa: Give her my number.
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Pappu: What's green and has wheels?
Bunty: Ummm! Don't know.
Pappu: Grass, I lied about the wheels.
-----------
Dear Internet Users,
One day you will really regret not reading me.
Sincerely,
Terms and Conditions.
----------
Santa: My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school.
Banta: So how did you do it? Santa: He's a weakling. So I punched him in the face, and stole his lunch money.
----------
Jeeto: Why do you ignore my calls?
Santa: I don't ignore your calls. I just love my ringtone.
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A well-built guy was fooling around with Pappu's girlfriend. Pappu entered into an altercation with him.
Pappu: Are you serious?
Guy: Yes, I am. What'll you do about it?
Pappu: Nothing. It's just that I don't like pranks.
----------
Santa was buying the movie tickets again and again.
Banta: Why are you buying the movie tickets again and again?
Santa: Some fool is standing near the door and tearing my tickets.
----------
Filmy welcome to Baby Girl born to Twinkle and Akshay Kumar:
"Heyy Babyy",
Though it's 'Housefull' but 'Welcome' to 'Family' of 'Joker'! "OMG Oh My God!" "Meri Biwi Ka Jawaab Nahin"!
"Thank You"
'Khiladi'
-----------
After looking at the cheerleaders in Sri Lanka, one really can't blame Ravana for abducting Sita.
Santa: A thief broke into our house last night. He was searching for money.
Banta: What did you do?
Santa: I got up, turned on all the lights and started searching with him!
Santa: I hate to hear Jeeto struggling with the housework.
Banta: So what do you do about it?
Santa: I just turn up the TV volume.
The woman who invented the phrase, "All guys are the same", must have been a Chinese who lost her husband at a crowded place in China.
Q: Why are the Afghans and Pakistanis good bowlers but bad catchers?
A: Because they are trained since childhood to hurl grenades and not to catch them!
Girl: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
Pappu: Then marry me, we will be the happiest couple.
Teacher: Tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Pappu: Life imprisonment!
Thank God, I finally found love.
It's on Page 126 in my English Dictionary!
Santa: I am fed up of my life.
Banta: Now what happened?
Santa: Everytime I'm about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up!
Height of addiction:
In a college form, when asked about "PERMANENT ADDRESS", a student wrote "www.facebook.com"!
Jeeto: Could you please go and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6.
A short time later Santa comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
Jeeto: Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?
Santa: They had eggs.
Santa: For husbands, keeping wives happy is a job of our "LEFT HAND".
Banta: So why don't men do it?
Santa: Unfortunately, 95% of men are actually "RIGHT HANDED"!
I wish I were a dog and you were a flower;
So I could lift my leg and give you a shower!
Teacher: If Guddi has 50 candy bars. She eats 4 and gives you 2 and give the rest to Bunty, what'll Bunty get?
Pappu: Diabetes. Bunty'll surely get diabetes.
In the middle of a fight, Santa said, "Let's not quarrel, let's discuss the things sensibly.
"No," said angry Jeeto, "Every time we discuss sensibly, I lose!"
Q: Why is sea water salty?
A: Bcoz Rajinikanth pees in it.
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Santa: A thief broke into our house last night. He was searching for money.
Banta: What did you do?
Santa: I got up, turned on all the lights and started searching with him!
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Santa: I hate to hear Jeeto struggling with the housework.
Banta: So what do you do about it?
Santa: I just turn up the TV volume.
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The woman who invented the phrase, "All guys are the same", must have been a Chinese who lost her husband at a crowded place in China.
----------
Q: Why are the Afghans and Pakistanis good bowlers but bad catchers?
A: Because they are trained since childhood to hurl grenades and not to catch them!
----------
Girl: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
Pappu: Then marry me, we will be the happiest couple.
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Teacher: Tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Pappu: Life imprisonment!
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Thank God, I finally found love.
It's on Page 126 in my English Dictionary!
-----------
Santa: I am fed up of my life.
Banta: Now what happened?
Santa: Everytime I'm about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up!
----------
Height of addiction:
In a college form, when asked about "PERMANENT ADDRESS", a student wrote "www.facebook.com"!
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Jeeto: Could you please go and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6.
A short time later Santa comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
Jeeto: Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?
Santa: They had eggs.
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Santa: For husbands, keeping wives happy is a job of our "LEFT HAND".
Banta: So why don't men do it?
Santa: Unfortunately, 95% of men are actually "RIGHT HANDED"!
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I wish I were a dog and you were a flower;
So I could lift my leg and give you a shower!
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Teacher: If Guddi has 50 candy bars. She eats 4 and gives you 2 and give the rest to Bunty, what'll Bunty get?
Pappu: Diabetes. Bunty'll surely get diabetes.
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In the middle of a fight, Santa said, "Let's not quarrel, let's discuss the things sensibly.
"No," said angry Jeeto, "Every time we discuss sensibly, I lose!"
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Q: Why is sea water salty?
A: Bcoz Rajinikanth pees in it.
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Santa: My wife said, she needed some space in her life.
Banta: So what steps are you taking?
Santa: I agreed and hung 2 "Star Wars" posters in the kitchen.
Banta: So what steps are you taking?
Santa: I agreed and hung 2 "Star Wars" posters in the kitchen.
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Conversation on Whatsapp:
Boy: Call me Shona
Girl: My Shona...
Boy: Call me Sweetheart
Girl: Sweetheart...
Boy: Call me Honey..
Girl: Honey...
Boy: You stupid, give me a call on my phone!
Girl: Oh Ok Ok!
Boy: Call me Shona
Girl: My Shona...
Boy: Call me Sweetheart
Girl: Sweetheart...
Boy: Call me Honey..
Girl: Honey...
Boy: You stupid, give me a call on my phone!
Girl: Oh Ok Ok!
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Jeeto suggested to his husband, "We should get a lock on the bathroom door, since my mother will be staying with us for a few months".
So Santa set to work.
When he'd finished, Jeeto shouted, "*&%#$@ that's really funny, I meant on the inside".
So Santa set to work.
When he'd finished, Jeeto shouted, "*&%#$@ that's really funny, I meant on the inside".
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A frustrated message from Rajinikanth:
Who the hell is spreading false rumours that I gave birth to my parents?
Who the hell is spreading false rumours that I gave birth to my parents?
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Santa: It's too late in the night. You better stay over here only.
Banta: It makes sense. I better get my night-suit from my house.
Santa: Good. Come soon.
Banta: It makes sense. I better get my night-suit from my house.
Santa: Good. Come soon.
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Santa: You wanna come to my New Year's Eve party?
Banta: Sure, when?
Banta: Sure, when?
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While filling a form:
Pappu: Papa, what should I write about my mother tongue?
Santa: Too long.
Pappu: Papa, what should I write about my mother tongue?
Santa: Too long.
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Santa took his broken down car for repair. The mechanic fixed it in two minutes.
Santa: What happened?
Mechanic: Just shit in the air filter.
Santa: How often do I have to do that?
Santa: What happened?
Mechanic: Just shit in the air filter.
Santa: How often do I have to do that?
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Santa went to his dentist, "Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?"
Dentist: Wear a brown tie!
Dentist: Wear a brown tie!
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Jeeto texts Santa on a cold winter morning, "Windows frozen"! Santa texts back, "Pour some luke-warm water over it!"
Jeeto texts back, "Computer completely f****d now!"
Jeeto texts back, "Computer completely f****d now!"
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Before posting a Tweet or something on Facebook, one should always test it on one's wife first. If she rolls her eyes and leaves the room, you know it has potential.
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Banta: Suggest some good movie?
Santa: Snakes on a plane.
Banta: What's it about?
Santa: Horses... horses on a boat.
Santa: Snakes on a plane.
Banta: What's it about?
Santa: Horses... horses on a boat.
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Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be eighty.
Patient: But doctor, I am 80 right now.
Doctor: See, what did I tell you.
Patient: But doctor, I am 80 right now.
Doctor: See, what did I tell you.
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Santa: The wife caught me cheating yesterday. It was a stupid and careless mistake.
Banta: Oh my God! So bad.
Santa: Yep, it's sad, she's never going to play 'Monopoly' with me again.
Banta: Oh my God! So bad.
Santa: Yep, it's sad, she's never going to play 'Monopoly' with me again.
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"What do you do?" Santa asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with.
Girl: I'm a nurse.
I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me," Santa whispered in her ear.
Girl: That would be miraculous. I work in the maternity ward.
Girl: I'm a nurse.
I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me," Santa whispered in her ear.
Girl: That would be miraculous. I work in the maternity ward.
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Once a cobra bit Rajinikanth's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
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Santa: Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus.
Doctor: Don't worry, it won't happen to you. If I treat someone with pneumonia, he will die of pneumonia only.
Doctor: Don't worry, it won't happen to you. If I treat someone with pneumonia, he will die of pneumonia only.
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Preeto: How do u know when kids start to grow up?
Jeeto: Girls grow up when they start to put lipstick and boys grow up when they start to wipe it off!
Jeeto: Girls grow up when they start to put lipstick and boys grow up when they start to wipe it off!
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A doctor was really pissed off by the constant visits of Jeeto who wanted to lose some of her excess weight. She never showed any results as she couldn't diet or follow the exercise plan.
Jeeto: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?
Doctor: Cut your head off.
Jeeto: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?
Doctor: Cut your head off.
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Cashier: Strip down, facing me.
The blonde quickly stripped down.
Cashier: Ma'm, Not you but your Credit Card?
The blonde quickly stripped down.
Cashier: Ma'm, Not you but your Credit Card?
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Jeeto: What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my body?
Santa after looking at her from head to toe replied, "I like your sense of humour"!
Santa after looking at her from head to toe replied, "I like your sense of humour"!
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Santa: How much is my mobile bill?
Call Centre Girl: Sir, just dial 123 to know your Current bill.
Santa: Stupid! I have already paid my electricity bill. I want to know my Mobile bill and not 'Current' bill.
Call Centre Girl: Sir, just dial 123 to know your Current bill.
Santa: Stupid! I have already paid my electricity bill. I want to know my Mobile bill and not 'Current' bill.
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The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company.
He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."
He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."
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